Hi people.

This could well turn out to be a diary of a spiral to madness!

Following on from my previous train of thought a couple of days ago, I have learnt so much about myself in the past few days, and has totally restored my faith in humanity. I think I am blessed with the best group of friends anyone could ever hope for, and what I can only aspire to be.

So just a personal thank you to all those who have given their invaluable support and have been there for me when I have been the lowest of the low.

Out of all the things I have felt over the past few days, and will probably feel for a while yet, it has been surprisingly productive. Its been maybe years since I've been able to write any material, but have sat down today and a song as just poured itself out. Is propbably not very good, and I probably won't be playing it to anyone anytime soon, but its been a little theraputic.

The downside of course, is dealing with all these emotions that pass. Loneliness is something that I hope that I will never have to experience for a prolonged period of time. I am lonely. And sad. And fuck, Last of The Summer Wine has just started, so add depressed to that list!

I'm feeling that this diary has lost its way slightly...nothing to do with the two...yep, count em, TWO cans of John Smiths Original that have been nestling in the top of the fridge since our house warming party last November.

All of you who know me know that I don't drink anymore, however, I realise I am the most miserable bastard in the world when I haven't had alcohol, hence the reaquaintance with my old friend! We've made up, its all cool, and I've promised never to desert it ever again! Its the best way.....

I'm that lonely right now, I've even done the washing up.....




- posted by pearly @ 10:21 AM

 
Sadness. That's what I feel. In my opinion, the most defining emotion. The emotion that leaves you feeling raw, vulnerable and helpless.

Though sadness is probably the only emotion that lets you see things for what they are. The emotion of truth if you like. Usually when you are in a state of sadness, whether its after someone's passed away, or when a relationship comes to an end, or whatever, there's always a clarity of the mind as to how to deal with the situation, and how things really are.

Happiness, anger, jealousy....they all distort the truth, twist it to suit the emotion.

Happiness, people will always lie when they're happy. Happiness is the best emotion of all, and no one wants to come down from it, so, in some cases to prolong the experince, we will inevitably tell a few lies to keep us there.

Jealousy, the most evil of emotions, yet the fatal flaw of anyone who's ever been in love. No one should ever be jealous, its the bane of our lives, and a complete waste of everybody's energies. It brings about an awful lot of resentment and mistrust. And once those seeds have been sown, no matter how hard you try, the weed that it is always grows up between the cracks.

I will always always regret being jealous, and probably losing the one person that I love more than anything else I have ever known, and for that I am sorry.

You can't change people's feelings, so there's no point in being angry with people who don't feel the same as you. It helps no one to cling on to an ideal that no longer exists. No anger, no spite, just plain sadness, and yet I feel stronger than I ever have

Help?!
- posted by pearly @ 1:09 AM

 
Howdi folks,

Before I get into this, It has been bought to my attention that I am ripping off most of Bill Hicks material. In reply to this, I would like to issue a statement:

Yes, it is true that my ranting does bear some resemblance to the material of Mr Hicks. In as far that we both use words like Fuck, and Die, and other such jovial vocabulary. The fact is, he was funny, I am not, therefore it is my right, nay, my duty to rip off anyone more intelligent than myself.
I will try harder not to sound like him. Though this poses the risk that I may end up sounding like Victoria Wood, or if things get particularly hairy, maybe even Joe Pasquale. I will kill my self if this happens.
Thankyou.

(Legal notice: What follows may not apply to my job which I need to be able to survive. If anyone is reading this from work, and you try to sack me, I’ll sue your arses. If you think it is pretty spot on, that’s your own conclusion, and maybe if you think that you should do something about the way you work and treat others)

Now, as I sit at my desk at work, living the daily monotonous HELL that is life, I sometimes wonder why so many people make it so fucking difficult go deliberately out of their way to make it just a little more hellish than it already is.

What should be a simple thing to do, like, for example, make it til five o’clock with out kicking their puny pastie faces in with my steel toe caps, is made more challenging by the fact that these idiots chip in with ideas, comments, downright stupid concepts on how to do the job better. Now, most of these involve more work, more responsibility, and guess what? Absolutely no incentive!

“Guys, you have to do more work, the work in fact we should be doing because we get paid about three times as much as you, but we’re above you so when we say jump, you fucking jump…. Oh, and you get no more money for it, and oh, forgot to tell ya, we’re gonna be watching every move you make, coz it’s our arses on the line if you screw up.”

Ok, I’m happy with that, hey, why don’t we start two hours earlier too and have strippers at lunch time?!

Fuck, and I thought everyone’s grandmother just got run over by a juggernaut. Is it any wonder that morale in most work places is lower than the back door to Hell? Don’t get me wrong people, I’ve nothing against work or authority, just with the pen pushers who have no fucking consideration for anyone else but themselves. Which probably explains why they go home alone and cry themselves to sleep to the sound of their own self pity. Good. Die, no one cares, do us all a favour, and maybe, and this is risky, and will probably be banned…. People may actually enjoy going to work!

Just a thought

- posted by pearly @ 8:23 AM

 
And I'm awake. What time is it? Fuck, Tuesday? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh well, guess I'm unemployed then!That was a long weekend snooze in my book!

First off, I would like to apologise. It seems that over the past week or so, my body was possessed by an evil spirit, that spewed potty mouth filth (though articulately so I must say.) I wish to express that I am filled with nothing but love and kindness to everyone I meet.

Until they piss me right off by being cocks.

Now, if anyone has been on the end of my hate, its only because they thoroughly deserve it, and as such, they hold no place in my life. End. Of. Story. And if you're reading this thinking "jeez, Stu's being a shit again," chances are, you're one of those people!

I'm a very accomodating person, thoughtful, caring, trusting and loyal. Friendship, I believe is the greatest thing someone can earn. And as such, those people whom I call friends, I hold very dear to my heart, and would do anything for them. Now, in my mind, friendship doesn't mean that you have to call them every day, not even every month. Maybe you call or see them only once in a while. It doesn't matter. Friendship means thinking of those people fondly, and loving them unconditionally, and being there for them when they need you.

Sometimes its easy to take friendship for granted. sometimes people make bad decisions on the premise that they under estimate their friends worth, and in turn walk all over them because they are aking friendship for granted.

Its a thin line, but once its crossed, it cannot be be taken back. And then those who have been betrayed start to bite back, and alot of people end up in the cross fire and get hurt.

Lies and liars are the cause of nearly every conflict EVER, whether it be between two people, a group of people, or even countries.

Liars are scum. Plain and simple. And I for one do not tolerate it, especially from people who I think are friends.
I know when people lie to me, they don't know it, but I do. But its OK, because I don't get bitter (hahahaha) because I know, when those "scum" are getting older, have babies biting at their feet, unemployed, in the middle of a bitter divorce, and having to sell their possessions just to put bread on the table, while sewing up the holes in their socks, I'll be on the radio in the corner, on the TV in their living rooms with those ideals that they so easily threw away all those years ago, and they'll think - "y'know, perhaps he was right." And I know that I am.

So next time any of you think about compromising either your self beliefs or your friends, just stop and think. Would that decision hurt anyone? Its not hard.

- posted by pearly @ 8:49 AM

 
Hey hate loving princes of evil!

Look, I have my own blog! And if you found it, well done, but you win NOTHING! Freeloading fucks, whatever happened to curiosity, and doing things because you actually want to instead of doing shit, and wondering what meager materialistic product you're gonna get at the end of it.

Now the band blog can be what it was meant to be before I hijacked it, and here will be my den of hatred. The fact that it is too early in the morning to be bitter is beside the point, but don't worry, I'll be back, hating something with the fire of a hundred suns.....
- posted by pearly @ 12:44 AM